Episode #005: Because Pyramids

In episode five we outline the "Because Pyramids" hypothesis, which, in brief, posits that all of western civilization exists because around 6,000 years ago some dudes in buttflaps found giant stone triangles in the desert.


Keeping with the subject of ancient Egypt, we talk about the Book of the Dead and how the Egyptians seemed to have made a science out of investigating the afterlife, building a picture of the various trials and tests a human soul must face and pass after death in order to achieve ascension to the stars. Because of the 2-D nature of Egyptian illustration, Russ associates the depictions in the Book of the Dead with oldschool 2d "platform jumper" videogames, which totally ruins the whole "spiritual enlightenment" thing.


We also touch on the extraordinary nature of the so-called "air shafts" in the Great Pyramid, and specifically the "Queen's Chamber" shafts and the "door" discovered by Gantenbrink, which Zahi Hawass penetrated on live TV ten years later, and the strange, faint marks on the floor of the shaft beyond the door.


This show is almost entirely focused on ancient Egypt. Enjoy!







Book of the Dead. If this was a videogame strategy guide, this would be the creatures list. 
Translation: Show up in a boat. Bring people with sun hats. Use the sun hats to build a Sputnik. When the birds come to steal the sun, stand beneath it and pretend it's a hat to confuse them. Do not give high fives to anyone sitting on a table. 
The Weighing of the Heart, from the Book of the Dead. That Feather of Truth better have some heft to it. 


Boss Fight!! 

A side scrolling platform jumper game. See the resemblance? Look, there's even pyramids and mummies. 

Queen's chamber. Air shaft opening on left.
King's chamber. Air shaft opening on right. 

How the air shafts were formed

Structure of the shafts through the layers of the pyramid blocks. Note the locking blocks, labeled D, below...these keep the entire shaft structure from sliding down into the chambers.





The "door", as Gantenbrink found it


The door being penetrated ten years later




Some of the symbols found beyond the door

Manuscript 512. Note large, annoying worm-eaten area near top.














Some of the symbols from Manuscript 512

Episode #004: Daylight Saving, Magic, and Climate Change

We start this episode with a rant about "daylight savings time" which everyone seems to hate and yet gets passed through every sitting congress, and possibly how the purpose of such a detestable rule is to disconnect us from the cosmos so we can't do magic. (hey, it's possible) 
We introduce more of our patented SnakeBros terminology, such as "Longhead"(hominid with an elongated cranium),  "Nephas" (a less formal version of the word Nephilim, as in "Whassup mah Nepha").  We talk about ancient giants with double dentition and the conspiracy to conceal them. We talk about reports of tombs full of loot, but with the primary corpse missing(looters took the corpse and left all the loot??)

There are other tangents here and there, then the final subject is climate change.

Hypogeum

More Hypogeum 

and even MOAR Hypogeum

Paracas Elongatus

Different morphologies of Longheads

The skull on the left has a cranial capacity of 2500-2800 cc

Artist renditon of a longead

The Coneheads from SNL
"WE ARE FROM FRANCE" 

Artist rendition of a human attacking a Nepha

Photo of the Siberian Taiga forest near the area of the Tunguska explosion

800 square miles of trees blown down like matchsticks, radiating away from the epicenter of the explosion

Episode #003: Carbon Dating and the Devil's Footprints

In this episode, Russ delivers a patented 100% Pure U.S.D.A. Certified and Approved Grade A Rantfest on the various problems inherent in the theory behind certain types of archaeological dating methods(meaning, the methods used to determine the approximate age of some bone fragments or whatever, not the methods used to get the hot blonde to go to dinner with you).

We ask the very important question, is it possible to bail out of a small Cessna aircraft mid-flight? Also, is it possible to walk barefoot down the slope of an active volcano, atop pyroclastic material? Does walking down the volcano in this stuff make one Satan himself?
Asking the real questions is what Snakebros is all about.




Here are some ancient weird "eye statues". Clearly these people have seen something that cannot be unseen(and now you won't be able to unsee them):

"Dad, is that...."     "Yes it is, son...."
*stare*

Goddammit Right Head, stop looking up when I'm looking down

Looks like pieces to a board game. Probably one about being a creepy stalker. 

Coffee bean eyes. Cool beans.

I just.... I just can't even. 

The iChoir?

This is what Kyle was looking at at first. Creepy statues with huge weird eyes, but not like the ones above. 

Episode #002: The Very First Episode

This is the first episode. Really. I mean yes it is numbered "Episode 002", as in "two", as in "not one", but nevertheless it is the very first ever episode of Snakebros. Pay no attention to the repeated references in this episode to a previous "pilot" episode having been recorded.
I mean, yes that is technically ourselves making those repeated references to this mythical "pilot" episode. But really, who's gonna take us seriously? We certainly don't.

Meanwhile, the conversation in this ground-breaking first ever recorded episode of Snakebros covers the "three A's of ancient civilizations", which are(in no particular order:

• Agriculture
• Architecture
• Astronomy

We discuss the difficulties inherent in "domesticating" plants(for crops) and animals(for any number of jobs).